Tomorrow Ill wake up and I’ll be different. I hope my feet are not heavy when they swing off the side of my bed and I hope my hair does not stick, stuck to my scalp the way it does in the morning. I hope I wake up with lightly buzzing fingers and perfectly pursed little lips, hearing the magpies gargling. Tomorrow I will not be upset at how early they woke me up. Ill walk into the kitchen and boards wont creek, and my toes wont be cold. Grabbing the kettle ill fill it up with water, and stand thinking while it fills.

Today I worked again, I have been working on the pizza section a lot recently. Service was easy and I was making the entrees and desserts while the other cook was making pizzas and prepping. Finishing at 4 I met Boy and his friends. I was quite tired and my period had just started so I left after about 20 minutes. I hope he had a nice time. I like Boy’s non school friends the best. Once I got home I had a shower and a little cry, then went on my phone. After about ten minutes I sat quietly on the pavers outside of the house, in the back garden. I felt better as I had been winding myself in angry little upward spirals all day. Then lil’s got home and she is doing this star chart of all the virtuous things she can do per day, and today for her star she wanted to take the dog for a walk. So we did that together and she told me all about the stuff going on with her friends at school. I listened and told her, her friend was being self-righteous. I hope I gave her helpful advice, if not I hope the listening was the helpful part. I talked about how I don't know how to let go of my anger for people ill never get to yell at. She told me I just will.

Tonight I am putting myself to bed. I have blown my nose 30 times because I get allergies when i drink wine, and I'm about to brush my teeth. My bed sheets need changing and I think ill need to listen to music for indigo to get to sleep. I love my world even if I am impatient and restless. I love me even though my skin crawls and my teeth ache.